東方: Vendetta of Awdry's Vengence on Eastern Fantasy
by Pergold
Summary: In this new series. It has been a while since Reimu was trapped on the Island of Sodor. But now she's back with her newfound friends. But one man has revenge, his target: Reimu Hakurei. Reimu, Marisa, and Sodor's former residents will now have to fight a force they have no choice in reckoning with. Its all aboard for a daring adventure...
1. Season1, Episode 1:Just Another Incident

It was a wonderful day in Gensokyo, birds singing, fairies playing, humans working.

Reimu Hakurei was sweeping the shrine compound. More people had been coming to her shrine ever since Thomas, Percy, and Toby, had started a bus company. Today was Sunday and the buses weren't running, giving Reimu a day off. It had been a long while since she and some of Gensokyo's other residents had been imprisoned on the Island of Sodor, forced to work under Sir Topham Hatt as steam locomotives, as playthings for Reverend Wilbert Awdry to create new stories. But ever since Sakuya finally killed him by having a long line of troublesome trucks push her down Gordon's Hill, all filled with explosive mining equipment. Reimu often tried not to think of her time on Sodor, but then she thought of her new friends.

Marisa arrived often to see Reimu, "Hello!" she said.

"Oh, Hi Marisa." replied Reimu.

"Say? Didn't this same thing happened before? Us talking about how uneventful everything is, then that fat bastard Sir Topham Hatt showed up?"

"Marisa. Please don't talk about it."

"But Reimu!" said Marisa, "We freed the souls from Sodor!"

"Yes. But I thought they were owned by HiT?"

"Reimu." came a voice.

"Yukari?" said Reimu.

Yukari appeared out of a gap and walked towards the miko and the magician, "When you killed Awdry and Sir Topham Hatt, Sodor's integrity fell apart. Everything related to it, was freed. HiT Entertainment had ceased to exist because of its relation to Sodor and Awdry."

Reimu was most surprised, "Yukari! I didn't know you liked telling exposition!"

Yukari turned to the reader's direction (You!), "Well, I had to tell. Otherwise our audience would still think that we had plotholes."

"Yukari?" asked Reimu, "Who are you talking to?"

Marisa laughed, "I do the same thing."

"What do you two call this sort of behavior?"

"Breaking the fourth wall!" Marisa and Yukari said in unison.

Reimu groaned and resumed cleaning to get her mind off of Marisa and Yukari's goofing. Then suddenly! An exasperated Duck rushed into the shrine grounds. He was gasping for air, "How the _bloody hell_ do you get up those stairs?!" he said.

"Monatague?" said Reimu, "What are you doing here?"

"Its Donald! I overheard him say something about Rinnosuke and about going to Kourindou to settle something." said Duck.

"Looks like another incident, _da ze_." said Marisa.

"I guess I'll have to see the matter. Yukari? Do you want to come?"

"No, Reimu. I have to get ready for a date with Duke." said Yukari.

Yukari and Duke had been dating, Yukari loved him as he was such an experienced gentleman, also his power of being a duke. Duke loved her because they helped each other back on Sodor, and that he found Yukari to be a pleasant woman to be with. This often disgusted those they lived with, that being Sir Handel, Peter Sam, and Ran Yakumo. Duke had asserted himself as having the title of Duke of Gensokyo. You could say that Duke wanted Yukari to be his duchess.

"Marisa?" asked Reimu.

"No, I'm going to see Alice." replied Marisa.

"Of course." said Reimu, "I'll have to go alone."

* * *

Rinnosuke ran a shop in the Forest of Magic. He had taken a dislike to Douglas, this was because one day Douglas entered in his shop drunk on something _much more stronger_ than sake. He had a lengthy argument with Rinnosuke that involved a lot of multi-lingual cursing and threats. This ended with Douglas nearly beating us Rinnosuke and puking on his feet. He banned Douglas and now Donald wanted to show Rinnosuke a piece of his mind.

"Ye're a muckle nuisance!" said Donald, "It's tae hurt ye I'd be wantin'!"

"You can't! Years of dealing with spell cards have improved my dexterity, I can dodge whatever you throw at me." replied Rinnosuke.

"Och are ye?" Donald burst out. "Ye're naethin' but a screechin' an' a noise when a's said an' done. Spite Douggie wad ye? Tak that!"

What happened next there was two accounts (Donald said he was too drunk to be accurate, but Rinnosuke said he dodged it), Donald sucker punched Rinnosuke and he moved to the side. Rinnosuke laughed and was about to kick Donald out, when Donald jumped off the ground and tackled him. The two exchanged blows, rolling on the floor. Rinnosuke quickly got up and used a spell card. Donald was too inexperienced with such an attack he was sent flying and bumped against a wall.

"I wadnae be beaten by yon tricksy _fud_!" and Donald ran and kicked Rinnosuke, making him fall over a counter and rolled onto the ground.

"There's mair comin' should ye misbehave!"

Reimu walked into the shop. She walked over to where Donald and Rinnosuke were violently wrestling. She cleared her throat, "Ahem!"

The two stopped fighting and they both stood up.

"Ms. Hakurei!" said Rinnosuke

"Raemu!" said Donald.

"I heard you two where fighting. Stop it!"

"But this man!" protested Donald, "I wadnae have him talk shit 'bout me brother!"

"He caused trouble! And so did you!" said Rinnosuke, "Reimu! I want him out!"

"Come on Donald, let's bring you home."

"Don' be such ae bitchie lass, Raemu!"

Reimu had enough and slammed her gohei right on top of Donald's head. The loud thunk noise was heard and Donald stumbled before falling onto the floor. Within seconds, he was asleep.

"Thank you Reimu." said Rinnosuke.

"No problem. Just help me get this ass out of your shop."

"Could I help?" said a voice, it was James, who was browsing the Kourindou merchandise.

"Sure." said Reimu, unsure.

"Are you here looking for that purple kimono again?" said Rinnosuke.

"I was not!" said James, embarassed, but secretly, he was looking for just the sort of thing.

The three dumped the sleeping scotsman outside and leaned him against the wall.

"I'll have to call Thomas if he can pick him up." said Rinnosuke.

"It won't be the first time." replied Reimu.

"I'd bet!" chuckled Rinnosuke.

Reimu went back home to her shrine, to continue doing what she was doing before she was summoned to deal with Donald.

* * *

Three 20 centimeter conductors watched Reimu work.

"Should we tell her." said the one with the ponytail.

"We should wait, we don't want to alarm her." said the one with the beard.

"I think we should tell her soon. Heaven knows when Christopher will strike." said the clean shaven one.

"We shall tell her tomorrow." said the one with the beard.

The three small conductors blew their whistles and disappeared. They knew, Christopher Awdry is coming, and he is coming for Reimu and her friends...


	2. Episode 2: Reimu and the Conductors

It is Monday morning. Reimu had already eaten breakfast and awaiting Thomas' bus to give her people to visit her shrine. She walked down the steps leading to her shrine to get a better view of his bus. It wasn't long till she heard the bus' diesel engine roar, the bus stopped beside her, the "Shhhh" of brakes and the door opening was heard. Thomas stopped the bus and stepped out to greet Reimu.

"Good morning Reimu." greet Thomas.

"Hi Thomas." replied Reimu, "Anything new?"

"Toby had bus duties to the east of Gensokyo and Percy is on goods work." said Thomas, "But otherwise things are going okay."

"What about James?" asked Reimu curiously.

"I don't know how I feel about James. I honestly liked him better as an engine. At least he wasn't experimenting with women's fashion. He's a good friend, but somethings he can be...kind of...sort of..."

"Strange?" suggested Reimu.

"Effeminate." said Thomas.

"Oh." replied Reimu, "What about Gordon or Henry?"

"Gordon got into an other car accident racing Aya again." said Thomas.

Gordon still retained his passion for speed from his days as a Gresley A1 Pacific. Ever since he came to Gensokyo, he always was trying to be faster than the tengu. He usually raced Aya, and he usually lost to her. So Gordon and Nitori Kawashiro and the other kappas would usually help. This time, they built him a car. It was sleek, it was fast, and it was amazing, but Gordon sadly wasted it on a race with Aya by going down a dangerous road down Youkai Mountain, he turned a corner too fast and went down and smashed onto the ground, many feet below. Luckily, he was unhurt, but the car was completely totaled, beyond repair.

"Henry on the other hand, told me over the phone that he performed his first chest surgery. He didn't say which organ, but I presumed it was around her." said Thomas, then circled his upper torso to demonstrate where he thought Henry had did surgery to.

"Ah." said Reimu.

"Well, I best be going." said Thomas.

"I'll see you later." replied Reimu.

"I'll see you later too. I'll be back in 45 minutes!"

Thomas went back into his bus, started the engine back up and left. Reimu went up to perform her holy duties and to see how many donation she had got.

The day was busy and Reimu liked it, it beat just sitting around and doing nothing but wait for an incident. Her shrine was managed like clockwork. But by the afternoon, she was already tired. She went into the main building to get a snack. She got out a cup of instant noodles and she was boiling water for her food and her tea.

She was getting out a pair of chopsticks when she heard the sound of whistles blowing. Reimu panicked and screamed! A voice came towards her, it seemed to her the kind of voice a British drummer would have.

"Its okay Reimu! Don't get your knickers in a knot!" said the voice.

"Who's there?!" said Reimu.

"Down here! On this shelf!" said the voice again.

Reimu turned her attention to one of the shelves, with the voice telling her if she was getting warmer or colder. She then looked to an empty shelf covered in dust. She saw three figures, all dressed like men of the railway.

"Who are you?" said Reimu, wondering if Eirin's medicine was having a flashback.

"I'm Mr. Conductor. Well, we all are Mr. Conductor. But you can call me Ringo." said the one with the beard.

"I'm George!" said the one with the pony tail.

"And I'm Alec, nice to meet you." said the clean shaven one.

"What are you doing here?!" said Reimu, she was about to grab her gohei and smash the tiny men to bits.

"Well if you weren't being a such a twat and being so goddamn afraid of us, we'll tell you!" said George.

"So put that thing of yours down and we'll tell you why we're all here." said Alec.

Reimu put down her gohei, but kept it close. She didn't want to be caught off guard.

"That's a good miko." said Ringo.

"What do you want from me? Why are you even here!" exclaimed Reimu.

"I'll tell you. In fact, I'll even show you." and with that, Ringo blew his whistle. He and Reimu disappeared in a cloud of gold dust.

* * *

Reimu and Ringo reappeared in a room, it was dark and the only light came from a lamp in the corner.

"You remember Reverend Awdry, right?" asked Ringo.

Reimu nodded silently.

"Good! You see him over there, on that bed? Right?"

Reimu nodded again and looked at the bed. By the bedside was a much younger looking Wilbert Awdry, he was drawing a picture and saying something.

"Its okay, Reimu. They can't see us." said Ringo.

Reimu walked over to Wilbert and saw a boy in the bed, he looked weak.

Wilbert showed the picture he drew and told the boy a nursery rhyme.

"Daddy." said the boy, "Who is that? And why is he sad?"

"Oh this is...um...Edward. He is sad, because he...doesn't come out much." said Wilbert.

"See that boy, Reimu?" said Ringo, "That's his son, Christopher."

Reimu and Ringo teleported away in another cloud of gold dust and appeared to another place, this time, a terrible train wreck. It was a collison between a heavy goods train and an express train. All the coaches had telescoped into each other, it seemed like there were to be no survivers.

"This is the crash, that Wilbert gained his powers." said Ringo, he pointed to crowd of people.

"What happened? How did it happen?" asked Reimu.

"He was a writing a story and he wrote 'Luckily, no one was hurt.' Wilbert obtained his powers very sudden. One second he was writing that phrase down, the next, no one really _was_ hurt." said Ringo.

"That's when he turned Sodor from a fictional place on paper to a real place with real people and real trains. Sodor became a living functioning island, with government, history, and with an economy."

"Just like Gensokyo." said Reimu.

"Just like Gensokyo, Reimu." replied Ringo.

"And Wilbert Awdry is just like Yukari."

"That is, if Wilbert Awdry was _also_ ZUN."

Ringo blew his whistle and the two disappeared yet again.

* * *

Reimu reappeared back into her shrine, "But what about Christopher?" asked Reimu.

"Christopher." said George, "Is going to fucking kill you and every other motherfucker who helped to kill his father and destroy Sodor."

"But how is Christopher going to find Gensokyo?" asked Reimu.

"He's writer, all he needs is the correct information." said Alec.

All of a sudden, Reimu heard screaming coming from outside of the shrine. She then heard a loud BANG. Reimu rushed out and saw her patrons running about, they were running away from something. The loud bang came again and a woman fell down. Reimu ran out, luckily, she was standing by her donation box. The bang came and the sound of breaking wood was heard. She looked at the damaged box, then it became clear.

"Someone's trying to shoot me!" he thought.

Reimu dove behind a rock for cover. The gunshots rang throughout the eastern Gensokyoian countryside.

* * *

Christopher Awdry worked the bolt on his British made sniper rifle.

"This one is for my father!" he said, firing another bullet.

BANG! "This one is for Sodor!" BANG! "This one is for Stephen Topham Hatt!" BANG!

KA-CHUNK! "Crap! Now, I'll have to reload." he said, begrudedly.

* * *

Marisa Kirisame arrived just in time. "What's up Rei-"

"GET THE HELL DOWN MARISA!" screamed Reimu.

"What do you mean-" BANG!

Marisa dove for cover, a neat bullet hole went through the top of her hat.

"Marisa! Fire a master spark! At the trees!" commanded Reimu.

"Will do!" and Marisa took out her mini-hakkero and fired a master spark at the canopy of the trees that surrounded the Hakurei Shrine.

She aimed the master spark, leaving behind a burned bare spot on the trees.

* * *

Christopher heard the master spark come nearer and nearer. He took out his notepad and wrote 'Luckily, no one was hurt.'. The master spark came and he was caught in the laser, but he survived and jumped out of the tree and ran away.

"I'll get you Reimu. Not today, not tomorrow, but someday I will!" he said as he went into the cover of the forest.

Marisa stopped firing the master spark. The gunshots stopped, and Reimu came out from behind the big rock.

"Thank you Marisa!" said Reimu.

"What was that, _da ze_?" said Marisa.

"Its Wilbert's son! He's come for us!"

"Holy shit." said Marisa.


	3. Episode 3: WTF? Duke and Yukari!

Yukari, Ran, and Chen. Were all at home, Yukari was waiting for who she deemed to be a very special guest indeed.

"Yukari-sama! I swear! If you and Duke do something gross, I'm going to vomit!" said Ran.

"Ran." replied Yukari, "Your my shikigami, if me and Duke were to...couple up...Its your job to sit idly until I tell you otherwise." she continued sternly.

There was a few voices coming from the front door.

"Oh damn, Peter Sam? How do you knock on _these_ kinds of doors!"

"Look, Sir Handel! You just either knock on the wall or on the wooden bit!"

"But what if I rip the paper?"

"You will have to repair it then, Falcon."

"Duke!"

"That enough! If you break the door, you fix it? You hear me!"

"Your just going to say its a nice gesture on your behalf."

"I think I will."

"GRANDPUFF!"

Ran opened the door, there was Duke and his two vassals, Peter Sam and Sir Handel.

"Hello, Ran." said Duke confidently.

"Hello. Duke." said Ran, gritting her teeth in annoyance.

Duke and those who came with him entered, Peter Sam stayed with Ran.

"I know the feeling. If Duke and Yukari do anything major? You get Chen and I get Sir Handel and we'll go outside." said Peter Sam.

"Alright. But I'm going to kick Duke if he does anything."

"Why don't you kick Yukari instead?" suggested Peter Sam.

"Its complicated." Ran did not want to explain who and what a shikigami is to Peter Sam, she thought it too lengthy.

Duke came over for dinner, and possibly _something_ from Yukari. Yukari hoped the same.

Ran served dinner and everyone was eating, Yukari and Duke sat next to each. The two were flirting with each other, much to the distaste of the others.

"I swear!" grumbled Sir Handel.

"Swear what?" asked Peter Sam.

"I swear, old people should not be fucking!"

"But Falcon! Duke and Yukari hadn't fucked yet."

"Let's hope there's not a 'yet'. There should be a 'never'!"

Ran nodded in agreement, it was hypocritical of her, as she was at least over 900 years old, but not as old as Yukari, who was _thousands_ of years old.

Dinner was over an hour later, Yukari went away and Duke followed. What happened next, nearly made them puke. A loud thumping noise was heard.

"OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!"

"YUKARI!"  
"DUKE!"  
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" shouted Sir Handel

Peter Sam, knew that the situation had gotten worse and suggested they leave the house. Outside was much quieter, but you could still hear the sound of Duke and Yukari fucking roughly, luckily it was only a slight sound.

"Good idea, Peter." said Ran.

"I know. I knew this was going to happen." said Peter Sam.

"Jesus Christ! I hope they won't do anything stupid!" said Sir Handel indignantly.

Ran looked away suspiciously, "I should have warned them." she thought, "I saw the doujin artist Yukari hired."

"Ran?!" said Sir Handel, "Do _YOU_ know anything about this?"

"I forgot to tell you that Yukari and Duke were going to screw, because I saw the doujin artist in the closet." replied Ran.

"What's a doujin?" asked Peter Sam innocently.

"Its like a homemade manga!" said Chen excitedly.

"What a manga then?"

"Its like a comic book, but you read the panel right to left."

"Leave it to the Japanese to over complicate something as simple as a comic strip! They're worse than the Germans."

Ran took a large stick and bashed it on Sir Handel's head.

"I'm sorry!" he said after the sixth beating from Ran.

"You better be!" she said, crossly.

"What's a German?" asked Chen.

"They're people from Germany." explained Ran.

"They're nazis, that's what!" Sir Handel said as Ran resumed hitting him over the head.

"I don't how who's older? You or Duke." joked Peter Sam.

"I least I know what age to stop fucking!" boasted Sir Handel in-between Ran smacking him with a long stick.

"But you should know how not to be a racist git." replied Peter Sam, "Where did you learn such trash?"

"From Gordon!"

"I suspect just as much, he was all for that bloody Brexit thing."

"What's Brexit?" asked Chen.

"Its the reason why our money is worthless. But your money is worth much more than ours." explained Peter Sam.

"You so go good explaining things to Chen." complimented Ran.

"And Chen is good at explaining things to me. Say, what does Yukari want with a doujin artist anyway?"

Ran whispered into Peter Sam's ear. "Gross!" he exclaimed. But he wanted to play a trick on Sir Handel. So he told him that Yukari and Duke were having a porno made. Sir Handel promptly projectile vomited.

Peter Sam laughed.

"Its not funny!" protested Sir Handel.

Ran stopped to listen to something, "I think Yukari and Duke's done!" she said.

"Bout time!" grumbled Sir Handel.

The four walked back into the house. However, they found that Yukari and Duke had moved to the atic.

"Oh good god. Here we go again!" thought Sir Handel.

* * *

Yukari and Duke were digging through boxes and crates of stuff, Yukari and her shikigamis had collected over the years that they were alive. Duke found an old wood carving of what looked like Yukari, but was a woman with very long, black hair.

"Oh Duke!" said Yukari, "You found that picture of me from back in my Heian days."

"Heian?" said Duke, "What's that?"

"Oh it was a wonderful time, where women wore long robes and longer hair. It was a time of free love and we enjoyed it." said Yukari.

"Oh? So its just like those 1970's?" asked Duke.

"Similar."

"Ah."

Yukari hugged Duke from behind, "How good do you think I'd look if I wore my hair like that?"

"I think you'll look wonderful."

"I think I might just do it."

Yukari found a box in the far corner, it was covered in a thick layer of dust and she opened it. "This is the only kimono I have from that time."

"I think you'll look smashing in that."

Yukari tried to put the kimono on, she could barely fit in it. To avoid ripping or tearing it, she took it off and put back her regular clothes on.

There was a knock. "Can we come in grandpuff? Are you clothed!"

"Sure!" said Yukari.

"We're clothed." said Duke.

Peter Sam and Ran climbed into the atic.

"Peter Sam? The Heian times were just like the 1970's!"

"The Heian era?!" sniffed Ran.

"Yukari told me. Big hair and free love."

"Yukari-sama! Are you glorifying the Heian Period again?!" said Ran.

"Maybe..." said Yukari in a fun mysterious way.

"You know that everybody died when they reached their 20's and everything was covered in shit and the government did jack."

"Ran. Don't ruin that period of time for me!"

"There's a reason why the samurai and the shoguns took over."

"Ran. Stop it."

"You dated one!" shouted Ran.

"Ran. I'm going to punish you hard if you don't stop!"

Ran stopped, but she was indignant. She knew that the Heian Era was utter trash, but ever since Yukari had a fling with a man named Genji, all what Yukari could do was glorify those days.

"Duke. Its getting late and you need to get some rest." said Peter Sam, breaking the slience.

"But the night is young, dear Peter!"

"Duke! The Primriver Sisters invited you to a concert at the Human Village in the late morning and we can't have you wake up at noon again."

"Your right, Peter Sam. Let's go home."

"Come on Duke."

Duke said his goodbyes to Yukari and Yukari said she'd grow her hair out for him. But Duke requested that she didn't dye her hair black. Ran could only give a stern glare at Yukari, who returned the glare back.

Sir Handel, Peter Sam, and Duke left. As they were on their way, they heard something rustle in the bushes. Duke drew his saber and pointed at the bush.

"Its only an animal or one of those youkai." said Peter Sam.

"You may be right, Peter Sam. But one must never lower their guard. Getting slain in an ambush would never suit his grace!" replied Duke.

"You _are_ his grace! Now stop referring to you in the third person and let's go home!" said Sir Handel crossly.

* * *

"That was close." said Christopher Awdry to himself.

He had forgotten to write a tag that said 'Luckily, no one was hurt.' and if Duke had attacked him, it be all over. As soon as Duke and his vassals were gone, Christopher returned to reconnaissance. He looked through a pair of binoculars at the Yakumo household. He had a feeling someone here was part in killing his father. He didn't know who, but he thought it'd be best to wait it out.

"I mustn't do any unnecessary killing." he thought and soon returned to the forest to hide for the night.


	4. Epsiode 4: The Encounter

Thomas was a human, with two legs, two arms, and two hands. He drives buses and trucks with his two friends, Percy and Toby.

Today, he was on his lunch break and was fishing in the Misty Lake. Thomas held his rod and waited patiently.

"Hi, Thomas!" said Cirno.

"Hello, Cirno." replied Thomas.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to make some fish and chips."

"Fish and chips? Like those thin crunchy things?"

"No. Those are crisps." chuckled Thomas.

"I always thought that chips were called chips, not crisps. Say, what are chips if chips are crisps?" asked Cirno.

"Chips are fried sticks of potato." explained Thomas.

"So they're fries."

"No. Its chips."

"Thomas." said Cirno in a serious tone, "Its called _fries_!"

As the two argued over what was called what, something tugged on Thomas' fishing rod.

"Fire and Smoke!" said Thomas, "I caught something!"

Thomas reeled hard, whatever he caught must be huge as his rod was bending down, almost to the breaking point. He reeled and reeled and reeled, until something came out of the water.

"Bust my buffers!" said Thomas (The saying was just a habit of his), "Its a mermaid!"

"Hi, Wakasagihime." said Cirno.

"Hi, Cirno. Who's this cutie."

Thomas was frozen in surprise.

"Oh, this is Thomas." said Cirno, "He used to be a tank engine, now he's a human."

"A human you say. Don't they know better than to not be in the Gensokyoian wilderness?" replied Wakasagihime.

"Yes. But he drives a bus! Sometimes a truck this big." said Cirno, raising her hand high.

Wakasagihime laughed, "Hey, Thomas. Why are you fishing up here?"

Thomas plucked up courage, "I was going to make fish and chips."

"Chips? How do you cut then so thin?"

"Those are _crisps_!" said Thomas indignantly.

Cirno and Wakasagihime laughed at him. Apparently in Gensokyo, chips are fries and crisps are chips, and Thomas is just going to have to live with it. Wakasagihime said she needed to go and Cirno said her goodbyes to her and she sunk beneath the water.

"You people are just odd!" said Thomas.

"That's Gensokyo in a nutshell." replied Cirno.

Thomas sighed. But then they heard a rustling in some nearby bushes. Cirno produced a small chunk of ice and tossed it at the bush. A man came out and caught ice and threw it on the ground. He walked towards Thomas and grabbed him. Thomas looked into the man's face and soon recognized him.

"Christopher?" he said.

"Thomas!" said Christopher, "Which one of the Yakumo's killed my father."

"Hell if I know."

Christopher's grip became harder, "Ow!" said Thomas.

"Which one of them did it?!"

"Like I said! I don't know!"

Christopher was about to strangle the answer out of Thomas, when Cirno created a sharp icicle and stabbed it in Christopher Awdry's butt cheek.

"GAH!" he exclaimed.

Christopher dropped Thomas and he kicked Cirno to the ground.

"I suppose you know who." he said darkly.

With Christopher turning his attention to Cirno. Thomas kicked him right on the butt, he landed on Thomas' fishing equipment. Thomas grabbed Cirno and ran to where he had parked his bus.

"Come on! Come on!" said Thomas, trying to turn on the bus' engine.

Finally the engine caught on and Thomas was soon driving away. BANG! BANG! KISH! Christopher was shooting at Thomas' bus, the glass broke and Cirno ducked under a seat.

* * *

Reimu was bored, she was watching George play jump rope.

"Bat shit, rat shit, dirty old twat." began George, "69 assholes tied in a knot. Hooray. Lizard shit. FUCK!"

This amused Reimu, she'd never seen a man several inches high talk so vulgar and in such a comedic way. She heard the beeping horn of a bus.

Thomas and Cirno ran up the shrine steps.

"What's the matter, you two?" asked Reimu.

"Do you know anything about a man named Christopher Awdry?" said Thomas.

"Why?"

"I saw him, at Misty Lake."

Alec appeared, "Reimu, you must go to where Christopher is and defeat him."

"Right. I'll see if I can get him."

* * *

Reimu was flying high over Misty Lake, with her gohei in hand she was scanning the area. She then heard the sound of a gun firing.

"So that's where he is." thought Reimu and she swooped down towards the forest below.

Christopher was holding up Bill, Ben, and Daiyousei.

"Good going Ben! Now this old fart's got a gun to us!" said Bill.

"Your fault for tossing that rock in the woods!" said Ben.

"It's not my fault!" protested Bill.

"It is!"

"It isn't!"

"It is!"

"It isn't!"

Christopher lost patience and fired a warning shot high into the air.

"Shut up you two."

Daiyousei was about to cry, she didn't want to die, not now. But then they heard the sound of danmaku being shot. It was Reimu, firing ofuda directly at Awdry. She flew by and was turning around to fire again.

Christopher Awdry wrote something down on a piece of paper and an old WW2 Anti-Aircraft gun appeared. Reimu dove down, she was about to fire more ofuda, but then a large explosion came up behind her. She had to fly lower as all sort of shrapnel were flying about. Christopher fired more shells, but Reimu had the speed advantage and dodged the shells like if it was one of Cirno's spell cards. She launched another ofuda attack, this time, it hit the Anti-Aircraft gun and it was destroyed.

Reimu pulled out a spell card, "This ought to stop him!" she pulled out the following spell card: Spirit Sign "Fantasy Seal -Spread-"

Danmaku whizzed about, it blanketed the sky in magical lasers. Bill and Ben ran for cover and Daiyousei joined in with Reimu by supporting her with her own attacks. All what Christopher could do was to grab his Sten gun and fire at the miko.

Reimu dodged every bullet and was just about to use another spell card, when she felt something pierce through her thigh. Christopher had just managed to shoot her in the upper leg. Reimu had to stop and nurse her wound. Giving Christopher the chance to escape. Reimu got on the ground and stumbled for a bit before sitting down by a tree. She lifted her skirt to see where the bullet had went. A small hole, covered in blood was found right by her side. Daiyousei flew away to get help. Reimu had to hold back her tears, it hurt like a bitch and Reimu couldn't do anything about _until_ help arrives.

Luckily, Daiyousei had flagged down Toby's bus. She told him what had happened.

"Let's go get her and bring her to Eientei!" he said.

Daiyousei climbed aboard and Toby drove off to find Reimu.

* * *

Reimu was on a bed in Eientei, Henry and Eirin dug the bullet out. Luckily it had only been a submachine gun bullet and was no bigger than what Reisen used for her pistol. Ringo suddenly appeared.

"I almost had him. I was this close." said Reimu.

"It wasn't your fault." said Ringo, "Sometime we need to take more care of what we're doing."

"But I nearly got him!" protested Reimu.

Eirin walked in with some tea, she looked at the 20 centimeter man that Reimu was talking to. She put the tray down and looked at Ringo.

"Don't I know you somewhere?" she asked.

"Do you watch Shining Time Station?" said Ringo, winking at the reader.

"No. I thought you played for The Beatles. Your the drummer!"

"I may sound the same, look the same, and have the same skills, but I'm not exactly like him." said Ringo, "One of the differences is that he's big and I'm small. He's also not a conductor."

"Oh. Nevermind." said Eirin.

Eirin turned her attention to Reimu, "How did you get that bullet wound?"

"Its that Christopher Awdry! I nearly got him and I was just about to stop him, but he shot me and I had to stop using my spell cards." explained Reimu.

"I'm sure you'll get him next time." said Eirin.

"One could hope. I don't even know where he is." replied Reimu.

"Just take care of yourself Reimu In the meantime, me, George and Alec will see if we can do anything."

"But Ringo? Who will take care of my shrine in the meantime?"

"I think some of your new acquaintances might just be able to help run your shrine." said Ringo, and he blew his whistle and disappeared in a cloud of magic gold dust.

Percy, James, and Gordon, all came to help run the shrine. Percy and Gordon knew something about what a miko does and thus only cleaned up the shrine. But James knew how and even dressed in Reimu's clothes, one day, he came out of the shrine wearing Reimu's PC-98 era outfit.

"Look at me, Gordon! Aren't I a splendid miko?" said James.

Gordon could only groan, "Oh the indignity!"

As for Christopher, he disappeared back in the woods of Gensokyo, making plans for his next move.


	5. Episode 5: Spitfire! Danmaku Dogfight!

Reimu Hakurei was just dropped off to her shrine. It had been several days since she had been hospitalized to Eientei after Christopher Awdry had successfully shot Reimu in the leg with a Sten submachine gun. She wore a thick bandage over the wound. Eirin gave her a cane in case walking became hard for her. But she ultimately chose not to use it. She made it up the shrine steps without great difficulty. It was relatively quiet, no one was really at the shrine. Gordon had left to pick up his new sports car, Percy left to take up trucking duties, and James had to be kept out of Reimu's closet. She walked into the shrine building and saw Marisa Kirisame standing and looking at a wall, with Ringo, George, and Alec discussing something. Reimu walked to Marisa and asked what she was looking at.

"This is a map we all made while you were gone." said Marisa.

"This is Gensokyo in its entirety." explained Ringo.

"Those pins stuck on the map are where that fuckhead Awdry is." said George.

"Then those pinpoint the central location of where Christopher may be." finished Alec.

The map was indeed of Gensokyo, red pins dot places where Christopher had been spotted. One pin at the Hakurei Shrine, another at Misty Lake.

"Doesn't do much." said Reimu plainly.

"Well, we haven't seen Awdry all that much." replied Alec.

"How should we find him?" asked Reimu.

"We've had Marisa here and one of us go to search him." said Ringo, "But so far, we've only done it to draw the map."

"Then why not have Marisa and one of you look for him?" suggested Reimu.

"Alright then." said Ringo.

The three conductors played rock, paper, scissors until they finally figured out who was going.

"Okay, fine. But Alec goes again next time." said George.

George blew his whistle and reappeared on Marisa's shoulder.

"Come on, let's go!"

"Your a pushy Mr. Conductor, _da ze_." said Marisa.

"I just don't want to die. I haven't had my joint today."

"What's a joint?" asked Marisa.

"I'll explain it to you while we're out looking for Awdry."

Marisa and George left, leaving Reimu alone with Ringo and Alec.

"Have you played Touhou before?" asked Reimu.

"Can't say I have." replied Ringo.

"Its the games ZUN makes of us. We tell him about our youkai incidents and he makes them into games." explained Reimu.

"Just like what Wilbert and Christopher do for the Railway Series?"

"I have never thought about it that way." Reimu tried to push the idea out of her head that she may not be real and that she's just a creation of ZUN's.

She walked over to a table with a chair and a battered, well loved PC-98 sat upon the table.

"I say we play until Marisa and George come back."

"Alright, but you'll have to explain how the game works to me." said Ringo.

* * *

"See anything, George?" asked Marisa.

"All I can see is jack shit! Nothing but plains, valleys, forests and bodies of water!" said George.

Marisa wasn't far from the Nameless Hill, she could feel the wind coming from there, it felt cold. George lit up a joint and puffed on it.

Then they heard a faint buzzing sound.

"What's that?" asked George, now slightly high.

"Must be a fairy or something." replied Marisa.

The buzzing became louder and louder. Soon, something zoomed by Marisa and George. Whatever it was, it roared past.

"Holy shit!" exclaimed George, "What the fuck was that?!"

"I don't know, but I want to find out." and thus Marisa gave chase to whatever flew past them.

It didn't take long to find what had pasted them. It was an old fighter plane, it had a propeller and machine guns on the wings.

"I don't like what's going to happen." worried George.

"I'll be fine. Just hold on!" said Marisa.

Marisa went faster and gave chase to the airplane. She passed the plane at a higher altitude. She saw someone in the cockpit.

"I think that's-"

Marisa was cut off by a burst of machine gun fire. The plane flew up higher and was now behind Marisa. Marisa flew to the side and lowered her altitude. The plane gave chase and was firing directly at Marisa. Marisa dodged the gunfire with ease. She told George to hold on as tight as he possibly can. She dove down sharply then went back up and twrilled upside down.

"Jesus Christ, Marisa! Can't you _not_ do that?" shouted George, he was trying to talk over the sound of the plane behind them.

"We'll have to tell Reimu and the others." said Marisa.

Marisa flew away from the plane, but the plane was still chasing her. Marisa increased her speed drastically, the wind pierced her face, what she was hoping was for a tailwind. She was quickly nearing the Hakurei Shrine.

"I have an idea, _da ze_!" said Marisa.

So Marisa pointed down at an angle. The Hakurei Shrine was in sight. Marisa screamed like a dive bomber, as now the Hakurei Shrine was within reach. What she was planning to do was to fake out the plane by making it look like she was crashing. Perhaps Marisa's plan was too perfect, she was going much too fast and zoomed through the tori gate.

* * *

"You're really good!" said Reimu.

"We'll, I learned from the best." said Ringo, humbly.

"Do you guys hear that?" said Alec, "It sounds like someone screaming and a old airplane."

Before anyone could move or do anything, Marisa crashed through the closed doors of the shrine and smashed headfirst into the building's wall. Shelves fell, things broke, the rest spilled over onto the floor. Marisa's body was right in between two rooms.

"Reimu!" she called, "Get me out before a dirty doujin artist can make a story off of me being in this wall!"

It was hard work getting Marisa out of the wall, but they soon got her out.

"Marisa!" exclaimed Reimu.

"You put a hole in my wall! You destroyed my front door!"

"Reimu! If I wasn't being chased by a damn plane, I wouldn't have had to crash into your shrine."

"Plane? What Plane?" said Reimu.

Then all of a sudden, the roaring of an airplane engine was heard, followed by a long burst of machine gun fire. Everybody dove for the floor.

" _That_ , plane." said Marisa pointedly.

"Right." replied Reimu, "Guess we'll have to shoot the plane down."

So with that, Reimu and Marisa set forth to shoot down the plane. The two flew around looking for the plane, then they saw it. It was strafing some youkai with machine gun fire.

"That's him alright." said Marisa, and she went after the plane.

"Marisa!" cried Reimu, "Guess I'll have to chase her down."

Reimu and Marisa were in hot pursuit, the plane was within sight and Reimu launched an ofuda attack. The ofuda was a direct hit, but all it did was stick to the plane.

"Damn!"

"Let me try!" said Marisa, and she fired a master spark...it missed.

The rolled over to the side and turned towards the two, Marisa and Reimu both flew in opposite directions. The plane chased Reimu. The plane fired at Reimu whilst swaying side to side. But Reimu dodged every bullet, she wasn't going to get shot this time. She turned back and dropped altitude, the plane flew right over her. Reimu went after and was shooting ofuda, she then managed to get a direct hit on the cockpit windows. The ofuda covered the entirety of it, whoever was inside couldn't see out.

* * *

"Damn!" said Christopher sharply.

The ofuda had blocked his vision and he couldn't see. So he turned to his notebook and wrote down that his Spitfire had window wipers.

"Crappy writing to make something be very convenient all of a sudden." critiqued Christopher.

With the window wipers active, he could finally see again. He turned his plane to the side and began shooting again.

* * *

"Marisa!" called out Reimu, "He can see again!"

The plane rushed towards Reimu, too fast for her to get away. Marisa flew right by Reimu and plucked her out of the plane's way.

"Thanks, Marisa." said Reimu.

"No Problem, _da ze_."

Marisa pulled out a spell card: Comet "Blazing Star"

Danmaku filled the air, Christopher was having a hard time trying to manipulate the Spitfire to dodge the spell card attack. The plane rocked violently as it ran straight through the danmaku. The plane escaped the cloud of danmaku, but it was damaged.

"Watch out, Marisa!" yelled Reimu.

Marisa turned back and saw that the plane was about to shoot at her. So Marisa went straight up into the air, she tried to get as much altitude as possible, the plane followed suit.

But the plane was having trouble moving up at a 90-degree angle. Before Christopher could catch up or shoot up Marisa, the engine stalled and the plane made a nose dive for the ground. Reimu watched as the plane failed to start again and it exploded upon impact on the ground. Marisa came down to where Reimu was. She was gasping for air, she was about to faint from the lack of oxygen in the thin atmosphere. She had went up _much_ too high.

* * *

Reimu and Marisa and the three conductors set forth to repairing the shrine. The hole was filled and the roof's holes were plugged.

"Sucks that your shrine now looks like patchwork again." said Marisa.

"I know, but its better to have a holy shrine as opposed to a holey shrine."

Marisa laughed at Reimu's pun, so did Ringo and Alec, but George was writing something down that was ten times more vulgar than what Reimu had said, but ten times more funnier.

Once they had finished, they placed a red pin on the area they were fighting, someplace northeast of the Nameless Hill. They weren't sure when Christopher might strike again. So Reimu and Marisa agreed to search Gensokyo in their free time. The Hakurei Shrine was to be their headquarters for finding Awdry, wherever he might be and wherever he might strike.


	6. Episode 6: Enter Diesel

Christopher Awdry walked up a road, he was planing what his next move will be. He was thinking about something having to do with a tank, when he came across a woman with red and black hair with horns and a man who seemed shady.

"How can I help you?" said the shady man.

"What do you want?!" said Christopher.

"I was just asking..." said the shady man, "...If you are interested in what me and my girl are selling."

"Okay? What do you have?" asked Christopher.

"Many things." said the girl with the horns.

She opened the back of a beat up car, she looked in the trunk and pulled out a suitcase and showed him a variety of clocks and watches.

"I don't know, you seem familiar." said Christopher, unsure of himself.

"Come on old man. Buy something." the shady man said with an oily voice.

Christopher looked at the watches and then looked at the woman with the horns, he then bought a watch that caught his interest. The watch was gold and had the crest of British Rail on the top. He put his money down and left.

"Did I just buy a watch?" thought Christopher, he was most puzzled.

He put on the watch and walked away, something didn't feel right. But one word was on his mind, "Diesel."

* * *

Gordon, James, and Henry all visited Reimu and Marisa.

"So Christopher is trying to kill you? I thought he was the nice man who wrote books about us." said Henry.

"Yes. But since me and Yukari were involved in his dad being killed, he's after us." replied Reimu.

"But what if the Sodor island Fansite finds this out?" worried Henry.

"Pah!" said Gordon, "Its not like they read Pergold's (TheThinMiko's) fanfic anyway, they're too busy reading that ERS."

"I saw the ERS, I thought it was fine." said James.

"Me too." said Reimu, "I though it was utter and complete rubbish!"

"Disgraceful!" said Gordon.

"Disgusting!" put in James.

"Despicable!" finished Henry.

"What? Your the one that said that no one read Pergold's fanfiction because of the ERS." protested Reimu.

"Actually." said Ringo, "Its because no one on that forum ever looks on in the Independent Works page."

"He's right you know!" said Henry.

"Shut up." said Reimu, secretly, she was fond of Pergold's fanfics.

Then, Duck walked into the shrine.

"Hi." said Reimu.

"Hello, Montague!" said the others.

"Hello, everybody." said Duck.

"What brings you here?" asked Reimu.

"Its that Diesel!" exclaimed Duck.

"But there's no diesels in Gensokyo, we're all human!" said Henry.

"I don't mean _a_ diesel, I meant Diesel. You know, _him_!" explained Duck.

"What's Diesel got to do with anything." said Gordon indignantly.

"He's with this chick named Seija, I heard they peddle worthless things and con people." replied Duck.

"Seija? You mean Seija Kijin?!" said Reimu.

"Yes." replied Duck.

Seija Kijin is a amanojaku, her ability was to make something the inverse of what is it. Essentially making what's forward, backward. Reimu had taken a dislike to her. Not only did she cause a fairly big youkai incident, but she also raided Reimu's shrine. She was so dangerous, that everybody else had to bring out the _dangerous, deadly, and unregulated_ spell cards to hunt her down.

"How did you know about _Seija_?" said Reimu griting her teeth.

"She sold me this watch! Its hands don't move, and when I took it to Nitori, she told me it was nothing an empty case with sawdust inside." Duck told Reimu.

"I'll have to investigate." and with that, Reimu left.

* * *

Reimu saw Seija and what she presumed to be Diesel, by the side of the road with an old beat up car.

"Seija! What are you doing here!" she said crossly.

"If you must know Reimu. I have found a new purpose in life." said Seija.

"You found a god?"

"No! I met my boyfriend, Diesel. We work together now."

Reimu looked at the man, Diesel wore black pants, a white with a leather jacket with the number 08 on the back, he had hair which had been slicked back with gel.

"You must be Reimu!" oiled Diesel, "I've heard many things about you from Seija."

"Like _what_?"

"Like how you defeated my girlfriend and how you kicked her out of your shrine for just simply browsing." said Diesel.

"You lied to him, Seija!"

Seija grinned, Reimu's dislike for her made Seija grin.

"Don't pull anything funny, Reimu." said Diesel with a voice slicker than grease.

Reimu decided not to do anything and asked if they had seen Christopher Awdry.

"He's an old man, he's got a mustache, sounds British." explained Reimu.

Diesel's face lit up, "Oh! Me and Seija had just sold him a watch."

"A watch? Another broken one, just like's Duck's?" said Reimu.

"No. Its a special watch. A watch that me and Seija can use to track him down." replied Diesel.

Reimu got excited, "Great! We've been trying to look for him! Can I use your tracker?"

Diesel and Seija laughed, "We won't you, little Reimu, let you use our tracker." said Diesel, "We're going to use it for me and Seija's greatest job yet."

"We're going to cheat every human an youkai by selling them fake insurance!"

"Hush Seija! We don't want poor Reimu to know."

"You disgraceful, despicable, disgusting couple! How dare you profit off of the terror he causes!"

"Because what you say Reimu, SiF is watching." warned Diesel.

"I don't care! Its Pergold (TheThinMiko)'s fault for making him the villain!"

"I didn't kill his dad." mocked Diesel.

"It was Duke and Yukari's plan, not mine!" protested Reimu.

(Author's Note: Read 東方: Revered Reverend of Illustrated Imprisonment to know what had happened, [Just for the new readers who decided to come in five episodes in.])

"At least I wasn't involved in the killing of everybody's favorite author!" snarled Diesel.

"If it weren't for Yukari and I, you'd still be a diesel, Diesel!"

"She's right you know." said Seija calmly, contrary to Reimu's current emotions.

Before Reimu left, she told them if they wanted to reveal where Christopher was to her, to come to her shrine.

* * *

Reimu and Marisa and the three conductors stared at the map.

"I wonder why there's no blue foods. Where the hell is the blue food?! Every other color is properly represented in the food pyramid, green, yellow, red, but no blue?" pondered George.

"There's blueberries." said Alec.

"Those are purple." replied George.

"Bleu cheese?" asked Ringo.

"That's just white cheese with a lot of mold on it." responded George.

"What about that blue gelatin stuff that Cirno made one time?" asked Marisa.

"Oh don't eat that!" cried George, "That was not supposed to _be_ blue in the first place!"

Diesel walked into the shrine, "Hello...Diesel." said Reimu coldly.

"I was here on official business." oiled Diesel, "I came here to propose a deal with you."

"What deal?" asked Reimu.

"We let you use our tracker and you, dear Reimu, let us sell our insurance." proposed Diesel.

"No deal, I can have you steal money from poor humans and youkai."

Marisa grabbed Reimu.

"What the _fuck_ are you doing, Reimu!" whispered Marisa.

"I'm trying to prevent him from cheating everybody in Gensokyo out of their money."

"Reimu, I have a plan." Marisa whispered something into Reimu's ear.

Reimu walked away from Marisa and towards Diesel, "I have considered it with my friend and I'll accept, but on one condition!"

"What would that be?" asked Diesel.

"That you give me 1% of the profits."

"Why should I do such a thing?"

"Because, my dear Diesel." said Reimu, "If Eiki Shiki were to catch you, she will judge you and most certainly send you to hell. But if Eiki were to know that you make such _generous_ donations to my shrine, she'll put you on a lighter sentence."

"Okay, fine. But that Eiki won't us out, Seija will see to that."

Reimu and Diesel shook hands to further confirm their deal. Now there's much more pins on the map, all of them concentrated in the many forests of Gensokyo. Reimu and Marisa plan for one day to find Christopher and seal him away. But for now, they wait...


	7. Ep 7:The Hunt for Scarlet October (Pt 1)

Marisa and Reimu were flying by the Scarlet Devil Mansion. According to Diesel's tracker, he has been circling the mansion. Hong Meiling, SDM's gatekeeper kept firing warning shots at Marisa to keep her away.

"Stop shooting danmaku at us!" she shouted.

"Just stay away from the mansion!" Meiling shouted back.

"We're looking for Awdry!" called out Marisa.

"Hah! Stop looking for a man who's already dead!"

Just then, Diesel and Seija stopped their car in front of the gate. Meiling walked over to tell them to leave.

"Actually." said Diesel slyly, "We're here to tell you that Christopher, Wilbert's son is roaming these parts."

"Yeah, you don't want to be turned back into a faulty Class 17, or worse, die." said Seija.

"So?!" shrugged Meiling, "How does that affect me?"

"Well, in case you get hurt, die, or have a fate worse than death. I want to make sure you and your loved ones get compensation." oiled Diesel.

"What Diesel here is trying to say," said Seija, "Is that we are selling insurance policies. We are here to make you safe and sound."

"I don't think I can trust you, Seija." replied Meiling, she and almost everybody else distrusted Seija Kijin.

But Seija reversed Meiling's feelings about buying the fake insurance, and she was soon handing her pay to the two.

"Thank you, for your business." said Diesel, handing Hong Meiling the phony document saying that she was insured.

The two left to find some more gullible costumers. Leaving behind a very confused Meiling, now broke and with a piece of paper that amounted to somebody saying "Gotcha!" to her.

Reimu and Marisa continued their search and soon found nothing. They flew down to the ground and walked right past Meiling, who was reading over the worthless paper.

"That was easy." said Marisa.

"I think that Diesel is more help than I thought." replied Reimu.

The two walked into the giant mansion, they wondered the halls until they came across Mavis, the head maid.

"What are you two doing here?!" she exclaimed.

"Well, we're both looking for Remilia, to tell her that Christopher Awdry has been hanging around here." said Marisa.

"Well, that would explain why some things were going missing."

"Like what?" asked Reimu.

"Some books, some tea, bits of machinery that I have no use for."

"The books and tea were me," said Marisa, "But not the machinery."

Mavis sighed and told them that Remilia was in the hall she usually sat in. The miko and the magician found her eventually.

"Hello, Reimu. Hello, Marisa. Fancy seeing you here?" said Remilia frigidly.

"Remilia." Reimu began, "I have word that Christopher, the son of Wilbert, has been hanging around your mansion and we're here to do something about it."

"Oh." said Remilia, "That would explain a few things, these past few nights have had strange occurrences. I once saw a figure outside from my bedroom's window, I thought it was Aya writing an article. Then my sister, Flandre, said she had been hearing sounds that she claims have 'gotten louder'."

"That must be Awdry!" said Marisa.

"Yes. But what would Awdry would want to do with the Scarlet Devil Mansion?"

* * *

Christopher Awdry continued to use the homemade drill he had made. He was going to tunnel his way into the Scarlet Devil Mansion, to find Sakuya Izayoi, the maid who finished off his father. However, he didn't know that Sakuya was dead, and that Mavis had replaced her, with Remilia giving Mavis the last name "Izayoi".

"That bloody basement mustn't be too far!" he said.

He then felt the drill hit something hard.

"Damn! Another big rock!"

He set the drill to go faster, gasoline fumes filled the warm humid air. Christopher had kept a tag reading "Luckily, no one was hurt." in case he managed to get injured.

Suddenly, he felt the drill give and move forward. The drill yanked out Christopher and he landed hard on the floor.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, but he was finally in the mansion.

"Now to find that Izayoi!" he thought, "But first, where I'm I?"

* * *

Reimu and Marisa were climbing down the stairs, when they heard a loud crash.

"Whatever that is, it must be what Flandre was talking about." said Marisa, and the two walked faster down the stairs.

They entered the basement, Reimu grabbed a light switch and the basement lobby lit up. It was one big room, with multiple halls going in several directions. Reimu and Marisa knew from experience that one hall on the left lead to Flandre's chamber, the sound came from the opposite end. So they went in the hall the right.

There were numerous rooms, Remilia's blood cellar was down this hall. A cold refrigerated room containing plastic lined barrels of blood, all organized by type and viscosity. There were several rooms dedicated to storage, some had artifacts with labels in Romanian and sometimes Hungarian. Reimu and Marisa scanned the room with the eastern European items.

They were at the far left corner, when they heard something scurry across the other side.

"That's him!" cried Marisa, and they followed suit.

Christopher ran out of the room as fast as his old legs could let him. Reimu was gaining on him, so he turned a corner was was spotted by Marisa, he pushed down a bookcase and several boxes and small crates fell onto the floor. He continued down and exited the door. Christopher slowed himself down and came to the large hall. His first step was to get away from Reimu and Marisa, so he ran into the hall in front of him.

He came to a large door, Christopher opened it and shut it tight. He decided to wait until Reimu and Marisa had left, then he could return to his current mission. Presently, a little girl dressed in red and a white mob cap pulled on his shirt. Christopher turned around and saw her.

"Who are you, little one?" said Christopher.

"I'm Flandre." replied the girl, "Have you come to play with me."

Christopher didn't like the deadly smile on her face. But he knew that as long as the tag held out, he was going to be fine.

Reimu and Marisa left the room, and wandered around the basement for several minutes.

"Shit! We lost him." said Marisa.

"We'll find him." reassured Reimu, "This mansion is too big for him to explore efficiently."

Reimu and Marisa climbed back up the stairs to warn Remilia that he was in the building. When they did, Remilia ordered every exit to be locked, Christopher was to be trapped. No one was coming in or out.

* * *

"Mavis!" called out Remilia, "Will you check on Flandre?"

"Yes, mistress." grumbled Mavis, she didn't like the basement, she thought it too creepy.

She went down the stairs and heard loud noises coming from Flandre's room. Mavis broke into a sprint, she wanted to make sure Flandre was okay.

But Flandre was okay, it was Christopher who wasn't. Flandre's idea of playing involved intense violence and lots of sadism. Christopher looked like he was sent to hell and back and nearly died on the trip back. He winced every time Flandre used her Laevateinn to whip him or to tattoo something by scarring him.

"I hope...the tag...holds out." gritted Christopher in severe pain.

Flandre took out a spell card: Taboo "Four of a Kind".

Three other Flandre's appeared.

"Say, let's see if he'll _break_." said one.

"Yeah. I want to see if this _plaything_ can hold out?" said another.

"Let's do something I saw in a doujin that I found in one of the storage rooms." said the original Flandre, darkly.

"Yes! Let's!" said the fourth.

So they tied Awdry's legs and arms together, beautiful knots were made around his chest. They then started to beat him into submission. He hated it, but he reasoned that if he is to kill Sakuya (Who is replaced my Mavis), that he must endure.

Before any of the four Flandre's could do anything serious to him, or anything _dirty_ as the doujin entailed. The door opened and Mavis walked him.

"Flandre!" she said in a firm voice, "Awdry's son is here, if you ever see him, _subdue him_ until Reimu comes."

Mavis looked at what the Flandre's had been playing with.

"So." said Mavis, "Your Christopher?"

Christopher couldn't reply, he had been gagged.

"Oh, so I suppose you were going to kill us? Well, that's not going to happen. I won't let you avenge your father, after what that Fat Controller did to us!" Mavis nearly ended her sentence with the word "engines".

Christopher tried to yell something at Mavis, but he was severely muffled by the gag.

"I suppose Flandre has got you under control. I'll just get Reimu to come over then, to _clean up the mess_." Mavis left the room and shut the door.

Christopher rocked and rolled violently to free himself of his bondage. The thin rope snapped and he managed to free himself, he ripped the gag out of his mouth and charged at the door, body slamming it open.

"Aw. Our toy escaped." said one of the Flandre's.

"Let's get him!" said the original Flandre darkly, the three other Flandre's merged back together and Flandre followed suit.

Mavis was just about to go up the stair when she heard Christopher screaming, he ran towards her. Christopher jumped up to perform a jump kick into her upper chest. She screamed and grabbed for something that was inside one of her pockets. She felt something, and pressed the button.

Everything slowed down to a halt. Awdry was floating in air, just like if someone had pressed the pause button. Mavis pulled the thing out of her pocket, she gasped.

"This is Sakuya's pocket watch!" she said.

She looked to the clock that was on the wall, that too had stopped. Mavis looked around, then she remembered that Sakuya's knives were still in her room. He quickly went up to the room she had been living in and grabbed as many throwing knives as she could.

Mavis tried to throw the knives, they just stayed in place as soon as they left her hand. She then threw them like darts at Christopher, until she had used up all the knives. She clicked the top of the pocket watch and time resumed.

Christopher crashed into the wall and most of knives got him in the back.

"I killed him!" thought Mavis in complete horror.

But unfortunately, no one was hurt. Christopher got up and grabbed a few knives out from his back and tossed them at Mavis, she clicked her pocket watch and time stopped again. He simply walked aside and resumed time, the knives missed.

"Shit!" said Christopher.

He grabbed more knives and threw them, every time, Mavis would click the pocket watch. She did this until Christopher had no more knives.

"Sakuya." he said finally, "I will avenge my father, _you_ finished him! Your the one that pulled those trucks filled with explosives from Anopha Quarry!"

Mavis stopped, "I'm not Sakuya. Sakuya died in the explosion."

"Then who are you?!"

"I'm Mavis! Or should I say, Mavis Izayoi! The successor to the position of head maid, now I can control time. I will stab you until you croak old man!"

Christopher paused dramatically, "You? You are Mavis? That BR Class 04 shunter?"

"I _was_." said Mavis.

"Impressive, you still work for someone else. Whether its for a quarry foreman or for a small timer vampire, you _also and shall always work for someone, you will always be beneath someone_!" said Christopher.

Mavis stopped, he was right. Mavis had always been an underling of some kind. But she wouldn't let Awdry control her, not like the way his father did. She stopped time, "You are wrong." she said and threw a knife between his eyes.

She resumed time and Awdry collapsed to the floor, the knife jammed into his skull. Unfortunately, no one was hurt. Awdry laughed and laughed and laughed. He laughed at Mavis and her young naivety, he laughed at how stupid Mavis was. Mavis felt hurt, she felt like her efforts were in vain. She then paused time one last time and stabbed two knives into Awdry's butt. Mavis ran quickly upstairs and shut the door and resumed time.

"AAAAHHHH!" screamed Christopher, he fell to the floor in pain.

His tag was beginning to tear, so he scribbled down another tag "Luckily, no one was hurt.", he threw down the old tag and charged up to the stairs.

He fiddled with the doorknob, the door had been locked. He fiddled faster and harder once he heard Flandre's childish laugh.

"Fiddle diddle riddle diddle riddle diddle!" said Christopher in anguish, he had quoted Michael Rosen.

Finally, he just kicked the door down and ran into the halls of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, Flandre used her spell card again and her three clones came out, they all agreed to split and hunt him down. After all, they reasoned that if they caught Awdry, Remilia might reward her by taking her out of the basement.

* * *

Reimu and Marisa were chatting up with Remilia over a cup of tea. Then Mavis walked into the room.

"Mistress, I have confined Christopher Awdry to the basement. Whatever's left of him will be toyed with by Flandre."

"Good." said Remilia, "Your turning out to be just like my old head maid."

"YOU THOUGHT WRONG!" came a loud voice.

Christopher Awdry entered the room, his wounds had already healed and he was filled with energy.

"Now, I see I can kill _all_ of you! It'd be easier that way, in order to avenge my fallen father." said Awdry.

Christopher walked closer and closer, he wrote down that he had a Lewis Gun. A light machine gun landed in his arms and he aimed for the miko, vampire, magician, and the maid.

"Get ready, Marisa." said Reimu, "This going to be quite the fight."

"I'm ready for him!" replied Marisa.

"Count me in, I'm tired of just talking about him." said Remilia.

"Let's fuck him up!" said Mavis.

This was going to be _one epic fight_...


	8. Ep 8:The Hunt for Scarlet October (Pt 2)

_**Previously on :**_ _ **東方**_ _ **: Vendetta of Awdry's Vengeance on Eastern Fantasy. Christopher Awdry breaks into the Scarlet Devil Mansion. He is tortured by Flandre and was stabbed numerous times by Mavis, whom Christopher thought was the long since dead, Sakuya Izayoi. Last we let off, a grand fight was about to be had. -Shameimaru out**_

* * *

There was Christopher, aiming his Lewis machine gun. The four girls readied themselves. Upon Awdry's first salvo, the girls scattered. Reimu was the first to use a spell card: Spirit Sign "Fantasy Seal -Concentrate-". Then followed by Marisa: Magic Sign "Stardust Reverie". Then finally Remilia: "Scarlet Sign "Scarlet Shoot".

The sudden blast of danmaku filled the room, so much so, that Reimu, Marisa, and Remilia had to dodge their own spell cards. Awdry fired again, Reimu nearly got shot.

"Not this time you limey bastard!" said Reimu, she flashed another spell card: Spirit Sign "Fantasy Orb".

More danmaku followed suit, Christopher waved his Lewis Gun side to side, the wall were riddled with bullet holes. Christopher ducked behind an overturned table and wrote down a PIAT gun. The PIAT landed in front and took it and fired it at Marisa.

"Watch out Marisa!" cried out Reimu.

Marisa narrowly dodged the anti-tank rocket and it exploded, creating a hole in the wall behind. Marisa fired a master spark in response, she blasted Awdry, but it was no good. Awdry fired again, and again, and again.

Remilia used another spell card: "Red Magic". Marisa did the same: Black Magic "Event Horizon".

Christopher ran straight into the thick fog of danmaku. The magic lasers banged against him. He fired his PIAT yet again. He lunged the PIAT to behind his back and fired the Lewis Gun again. Remilia made the mistake of coming near him, and a whole magazine was unloaded onto her.

"REMILIA!" yelled Reimu.

Remilia looked at her wounds, then up to Awdry. She said, "Only silver bullets can kill me, your lead bullets are nothing to me!"

"You can't!" said Christopher, bemused.

"Oh I can." said Remilia and she pulled out a spell card, right into Awdry's face: Neather Sign "Scarlet Underworld".

The danmaku slammed Christopher and he was sent flying across the room, he took out his PIAT and fired a rocket at the wall. The recoil from the rocket threw Christopher into the opposite direction, towards the girls. He took out his Lewis Gun and fired at Marisa, she turned her broom upside down and the rocket missed, and would have hit Remilia, if she hadn't grabbed hold and tossed to Awdry. The resulting explosion sent Awdry flying towards the wall. He slammed into it and was stuck, he used this to his advantage and fired endless machine gun shots into the room.

KRACKAKRACKAKRACKAKRACKAKRACKAKRACKA! Went the gun. Bullets, both magic and lead, flew across the room. The three girls constantly moved, Remilia's immortality made sure that if she got hit, she would still be fine.

* * *

But where was Mavis? She had escaped to her room, to find other artifacts of Sakuya's existence. There were plenty of drawers and there was even a desk, with her diary on top.

"Where are the spell cards? Where are the spell cards?!" he said with increasing impatience.

Mavis opened a small drawer in the desk and her face lit up, "These must be the spell cards!" she said.

She grabbed all of them and went out to practice. Mavis held out one card and read it: Conjuring "Misdirection".

The recoil was too much for her and she fell down, but the danmaku whizzed around her. She would have to practice more if she's ever going to be of any use with the cards. (You can even say that she wanted to be _really useful._ )

She spotted Flandre and her clones merge. She looked frustrated, Mavis asked her what was wrong.

"I can't find Christopher!" she pouted.

"If Christopher is who your looking for, follow me!" said Mavis.

And the vampire and maid walked to where the fighting was.

* * *

The battle raged on, PIAT rockets and lead bullets streamed from Christopher, who had just recently dislodged himself from the wall. He used the recoil from the PIAT rockets and from bumping into the danmaku to fly about aimlessly across the room. More spell cards kept getting used, Awdry expended more ammunition. Soon, all three girls stopped to take a breather, with Awdry standing in front of them.

"Tired?" he asked, "Because I'm tired of you!"

"Fuck off!" gasped Reimu.

"Fuck you!" put in Marisa.

"Fuck away!" finished Remilia.

"Good." he then charged at them and jumped high into the high and aimed his PIAT straight at Reimu, all what Reimu could do was put her arms in front to shield the blast.

Time stopped and Mavis jumped up and stuck one of Sakuya's larger daggers into Awdry's back, right where his spine was. She resumed time and Awdry landed on the ground, writhing in pain.

"You...you...you bastard! I like you better as a diesel!" said Awdry in deep pain.

"I like you better as an old railway git." said Mavis coldly.

She told Flandre to "Sick him!".

Flandre pulled out one of her own spell cards: Taboo "Cranberry Trap".

Reimu and Marisa flew away, and Remilia just ducked for another overturned table.

"How dare you hurt my sister and her friends!" said Flandre as cold and dark as deep space.

"How dare you threaten to kill Mavis, my new friend!" continued Flandre.

"How are you going to counter me?" she finished.

Christopher fired more and more PIAT rockets, but Flandre shugged off each attack, eventually she stopped dodging and just continued walking towards Awdry. She laughed as Christopher slowly realized that his attacks where worthless.

"This is just an exercise in futility, Mr. Awdry. I will crush you like a yukkuri in a doujin."

Flandre pulled another spell card: Taboo "Laevatienn".

The danmaku pushed Awdry against the wall, Flandre much too powerful for Awdry to fight. He fired at Flandre and kept firing until Flandre got close enough for her to put her finger in the gun's barrel, it was hot from the constant firing. Christopher wrote down that the gun fired _silver_ bullets and fired an entire round into Flandre who had collasped right onto the floor...defeated.

"Huzzah! I beat you, you goddamn vampire!" said Christopher in victorious joy.

"You monster!" cried Remilia.

"I win, I always win, _Britain always win_." he said.

Luckily, no one was hurt. Flandre stood up and brandished the tag, Awdry had left behind.

"You should be more careful with your belonging, Christopher." said Flandre.

Flandre took her Laevatienn and stabbed it through Christopher's body. The Laevatienn was covered in blood and Flandre twisted it, before pulling out.

Christopher landed onto the floor...defeated. But unfortunately, no one was hurt. Christopher stood up and staggered away, "I'll be back!" he shouted, "But someday! I will get my vengeance and I will lay it upon thee!"

Christopher climbed out of a hole in the wall and ran and climbed the wall surrounding the mansion and into the woods.

Remilia ran to Flandre, "Sister! Are you hurt?!"

"Not really." said Flandre.

Remilia hugged Flandre in a loving embrace of sisterhood. "I will not let anyone hurt you." cried Remilia.

"Its okay, Remilia." said Flandre.

The room was absolutely trashed, large gaps went along the perimeter of the walls, bullet holes and danmaku burns covered the walls, the paint and wallpaper came pealing off.

The three conductors appeared.

"You did good Reimu." said Alec.

"But Christopher is still at large." put in Ringo.

"What the fuck happened to this place?!" finished George.

"Mistress, I suggest a team effort to rebuild this room." suggested Mavis.

"That we shall, Mavis. That we shall..." said Remilia, her voice trailing off.

They all began reconstruction of the large room. To keep Flandre occupied and ultimately to be prevented from escaping the mansion. Ringo told Flandre stories.

"Do you like sad stories?" asked Ringo.

"Yes." said Flandre, sadistically.

"This is a real depressing one, this is called 'The Sad Story of Henry'." said Ringo, blowing into his whistle.

* * *

Christopher was deep into The Great Youkai Forest. He slunk behind a large tree and nursed his wounds by writing down that his wounds 'magically' disappeared.

"I will get you Reimu! Next time!" he growled.

His mission continues...


	9. Episode 9: Hood vs Mikasa! Sanzu Battle!

Reimu starred at the map; deep in thought. Diesel's tracker says that Awdry had left The Great Youkai Forest and headed south to the Sanzu River. There was one pin on the map however, that caught her attention. It wasn't from Diesel's tracker, but from a witness. The red pin was placed within the center of the Sanzu River.

"How Christopher be in the river? Wouldn't he have to be a shinigami to be able to have a ship float?" she thought, the lone pin puzzled her a lot.

Alec was eating a carrot, he was talking utter nonsense, "Plane? Train? Brain?" he said.

Alec took another bite of the carrot, "Mind? Bind? Find?".

He took yet another bite, "Mugs? Ughs? Tugs?"

Reimu looked back at the map, what would Christopher Awdry want with the Sanzu River?

* * *

Komachi enjoyed her new friends. Whilst they were souls from a different kind of series, she thought them great fun.

"Good heavens Ten Cents! Don't be such a heathen!" said a staid man with a top hat and monocle.

"But Top Hat! I really did see Yuuka and Stepney do it!" said a young man with a hat.

"Oh I bet you did, old chap." said another man with glasses.

"What does Ten Cents mean that Yuuka and Stepney did it, Hercules?" said one that didn't seem too bright.

"Well, Big Mac. That's a tough question to answer." said Hercules.

"Hey, OJ!" said Big Mac.

An old man in a straw hat woke up, "Oh dear." he said, "Did I miss something?"

"OJ."

"Yes, Big Mac." said OJ.

"What does it mean someone does someone else."

"I don't OJ knows what you mean." said Ten Cents.

So Ten Cents whispered into Big Mac's ear about Yuuka and Stepney as well as the 'Birds and the Bees'.

"I still don't get it." said Big Mac.

"Good lord!" exclaimed Top Hat.

A man with scuba gear came from under the surface of the Sanzu River.

"Hi guys!" he said.

"Hello Grampus." said everybody else.

Then, they saw Komachi and her ferry come to shore.

"Hello, all!" she greeted.

Ten Cents, Top Hat, Big Mac, Hercules, OJ, and Grampus used to be the Star Tugs, but due to Sodor's collapse, which lead to the destabilization of Britt Allcroft Productions and HiT Entertainment, the Star Tugs returned to their human form. If you think that's too convoluted, let's just say that the writer of this episode wanted to do an episode with Tugs characters, mostly to attract Sodor island Forum members to this series, that is, if they could just stop reading the ERS and all of its 5 Trillion books.

"Did you find Sunshine?" asked Ten Cents.

Komachi sighed, "No, I haven't found him."

Sunshine had went missing, no one knew where he went. But it had been several days and due to the dangerous conditions that Gensokyo brings. Everybody just presumed that he had died, but not Ten Cents.

"Just give up the ghost!" said Top Hat.

Before Ten Cents, could reply. An old battleship came into view, a voice boomed from a megaphone.

"You worthless, useless, scoundrels!" came a voice.

"Oh no." said the former Star Tugs.

It was Bluenose, ever since Yukari had gapped in the pre-dreadnought battleship Mikasa, to use as her own yacht. But thanks to a mess up with Ran, the ship got sold to Nitori Kawashiro, who restored the ship to working order, she even loaded the ship with new munitions, they were as modern as the ship's design could allow. Bluenose became the ship's captain, and took pleasure in yelling at everybody, he still thinks he's in the military.

"Hey you!" called out Bluenose, "Yeah you! The one with the brain several D-cups smaller than her chest! Get off my river and go play ship captain somewhere else!" Bluenose had a thing for bullying Komachi, he thought of her as dumb, slutty, and too insignificant to be on the same river as him.

Komachi began to cry, the former Star Tugs began consoling her and soothing hurt feelings.

"When Eiki talks to me like that." she said, sobbing. "It makes me feel bad, but vaild. When Bluenose says it...it...it..." Komachi was too sad to finish her sentence.

"That's nothing." said Grampus, "One time, back when I was a submarine, he tried to blow me up because I was old and obsolete."

"What's did you do?" sobbed Komachi.

"Ten Cents and some of his pals saved me and Captain Star bought me from the Navy." replied Grampus.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of a ship's horn. They saw another battleship move by them. It was too newer looking to be the Mikasa. OJ took one good look at the ship and adjusted his glasses, his face turned to shock.

"Everybody! Run!" said OJ.

The mystery ship opened fired on the riverside. Dirt and water splashed all around them.

Komachi was frozen on the ground. Ten Cents ran back to her.

"Come on, Komachi! We have to go!"

"But I can't!" cried Komachi.

Hercules saw that the ship was aiming his turrets. He ran and grabbed Komachi and lugged her over his back using his strength. You could say that he still had the strength of an ocean-going tugboat. The ship fired another salvo, everybody ran for cover. The mystery ship left, leaving behind a ruined riverside.

"We have to call somebody!" said Top Hat.

"I'll get Reimu, she'll know what to do!" said Komachi, wiping tears off her face.

* * *

The next day, Reimu and Marisa arrived. Everybody was by the Mikasa.

"What's the matter?" asked Reimu.

"Well, there was this big ship." said Komachi, "And it fired at us."

"That must be that mystery pin, eh Reimu." said Marisa.

"So that must be it." replied Reimu.

Bluenose leaned from the Mikasa's guard rail. "I got this!" he said proudly.

"Why?" asked Marisa.

"I don't need no black and red people telling _us_ what to do! I have a battleship, I can take 'em out!" shouted Bluenose.

Reimu and Marisa were livid! "We know Gensokyo better than you do!"

Marisa looked at her skin, "I'm not black." she stated.

The former Star Tugs laughed nervously. "Marisa! That's rude of you to say!"

"What?" said Marisa, "I know that in Gensokyo, there are no nig-"

* * *

Christopher Awdry sailed up and down the Sanzu River. He had written down that he 'magically' found the HMS Hood. He kept his hands on the wheel. He had been living in the ship and was using it as a mobile base for him. He was making plans on who to kill.

He knew that Mavis was out. He knew that Reimu was definitely in his sights. The only thing left for him to figure out was which one of Yakumo's killed his father. Was it the old hag? Was it one with the fox tails? Or was it the little kitty that they called 'Chen'.

Christopher prepared his ship for a boarding by Reimu and her friend Marisa. So he put all sorts of traps on the ship. Trip lasers, gun sentries, and a twenty digit long passwords on the electric locks on any the doors that lead to any of the more sensitive parts of the ship, like the engine room and the magazine. He rotated the wheel sharply, the ship listed slightly as it turned around. He was going to make another round on those people he fired on earlier.

"That'll teach them I mean business. Give me Reimu or give me death!" he then regretted saying that so he added, "Just as long as no one was hurt."

* * *

Everybody got on board the Mikasa, they figured as long as they were moving the mystery ship wouldn't get them. But Bluenose kept browbeating the others into working for him. Reimu never knew she would hate someone so much.

"Keep swabbing the poop deck! I need this ship in good condition!" said Bluenose.

He turned around and saw Komachi was on the bridge, merely just touching the controls.

"Don't touch that!" shouted Bluenose.

"But the ship was-"

"You know _nothing_ about running a ship like this, I know everything, _you don't_!"

"But!"

"No buts, why not go to kitchen or clean the quarters. _Then you'd be useful_!"

Komachi ran out of the bridge and hid in one of the rooms. Reimu saw Komachi running and she entered the bridge.

"I now some youkai were are dicks. But from a westerner like you, your terrible!" said Reimu indignantly.

"Look you red and white whore! Your bimbo friend literally knows jack shit about running a battleship like this. She can just row her dinky dinghy!"

Reimu was madder than mad. She slapped her across the face, then Bluenose responded by grabbing her by the mouth.

"No one, ever slaps me. You insubordinate bitch!"

Bluenose grabbed Reimu and bent her over some controls. He took his hand and spanked Reimu as hard as he could. Reimu yelled and she got free and stormed out of the bridge.

"I hope you _and_ that _bitch_ learn your lesson!" he said.

Reimu told the others what Bluenose had done to her.

"That's him alright." grumbled Ten Cents.

"What a cretin!" exclaimed Top Hat.

Suddenly, everybody felt the ship move faster and move away from the side of river and towards the center.

Bluenose announced that he spotted another ship and said that it was his marvelous to get 'some distance' from it. Marisa stormed into the bridge and said that she and Reimu were going to board the other ship.

"No!" yelled Bluenose, "Everybody's staying on this ship! I'm the captain and I give the orders!"

"Fine! We do nothing! We die! You can go fuck yourself!" then Marisa left the bridge.

Marisa went over to Reimu, who was still nursing her sore bum.

"Come on Reimu, let's go get him!"

"Right."

Reimu and Marisa took flight and then after the mystery ship.

"Hey! You two! Get back!" screamed Bluenose.

He then ordered some of his 'crew' to be in the bridge. Bluenose was making preparations to 'fight'. But he was really just planning to run away some more.

* * *

Komachi was alone in the ship, she was crying. But she came to a conclusion.

"Yes." she sobbed angrily, "I'll do it! I'll fucking do it!"

She grabbed her scythe and made her way back to the bridge. She clenched the handle. Tears streamed down her face, but she had a look of extreme anger on her face. Komachi pasted by Big Mac.

"Feeling alright, Miss?" asked Big Mac innocently.

Komachi didn't answer, she just kept walking away.

"Oh. I hope you feel better!" said Big Mac, but still didn't get a response.

Komachi slammed the door open. Ten Cents and Top Hat looked at her, so did Bluenose, who was not happy.

"I told you to go make yourself useful." he shouted.

"Yes. I will." she grumbled.

Komachi swung her scythe right across Bluenose's neck. A torrent of blood sprayed throughout the bridge. Bluenose's head landed on the floor, it had a look of anger on it. Komachi was covered in a large layer of blood. It felt like hours before the blood stopped coming out and Bluenose's body fell down onto the floor. Ten Cents and Top Hat were horrified, but they then found themselves clapping and cheering. Komachi could not feel any happier, she had killed her only tormentor, she then thought of doing the same to Eiki Shiki, but she made the good decision not to.

"You did it!" cheered Top Hat, holding in the contents of his stomach.

"I know I wouldn't have the guts to do that."

"Hehe...Thanks guys, it was nothing." said Komachi.

She then kicked aside Bluenose's head and body and positioned herself in front of the big wheel. She took the PA system and announced, "I'm the captain now! And my first order to turn to starboard and we sink that sucker!"

The former tugs cheered and they begin to man their battle stations.

* * *

Reimu and Marisa were flying high over the river, but they soon found the ship. Marisa read the ship's name that was painted on the side.

"HMS Hood." read Marisa, "Sounds like something Christopher would do."

"Damn, Brit." said Reimu.

However, the HMS Hood's anti-air defenses kicked in and bullets and shells were flying through the air. Reimu and Marisa tried to dodge as much as possible. But they soon were forced to fly lower and lower towards the surface of the river. The shooting stopped and they proceeded to get closer to the ship. The two flew inconspicuously by the side of the hull, they stopped half way and carefully flew up and over the railing. They were now on board the ship.

There were two doors, they decided to split. Reimu opened one door and it lead towards the lower levels of the ship. Marisa however, was on her way to the magazine.

Reimu ran down the halls of the ship. But she turned a corner fast and slid and fell on her still sore butt. Luckily, this made her dodge a gun sentry.

KRACKAKRACKAKRACKAKRACKAKRACKAKRACKA! The sentry was reloading, so Reimu launched all sorts of ofuda at the sentry. It penetrated its ammo storage and exploded. She continued going down the halls, much more careful this time. She didn't want to get shot up.

Marisa was walking down a hall, when she came across a large area of security lasers. Red beams zig-zagged across the hall.

"I got this, _da ze_." she said.

She manipulated her body around the lasers, careful not to touch. But she felt the ship rock, just enough for her to lose her balance and fall onto the lasers. Alarms blared, Marisa broke out into a sprint. Bullets streamed across from gun poking out from the walls. Marisa ducked as the shooting as caught up to her. It didn't stop for several minutes. She then accidentally tripped more lasers and this time, the hallway was filled with tear gas. Marisa took her hat and placed it over her face and ran as fast she could. Her eyes were watering badly, she didn't think we was going to make it. That is, until the cloud of gas was behind her and she ended up in front of a big door with a electronic padlock. She fired a master spark and blasted the keypad and the door opened.

"That was easy." she said to herself.

Marisa entered the room and saw racks and rows upon rows and rack of shells and high explosives. She knew it was time to get creative.

Reimu meanwhile, kept going down stairs until finally reached the bottom of the ship. A locked door awaited her, she took her gohei and smashed the keypad as hard she could without breaking the gohei itself. The keypad fell apart after a rough beating and the door opened.

"So this is the engine room?" thought Reimu as she looked at the very machinery that powered the battleship.

But she suddenly felt the ship rock violently.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed as she fell face down on the metal floor.

* * *

"Fire!" ordered Komachi.

The Mikasa's cannons fired a salvo.

"Komachi!" said Ten Cents, "That other ship is turning portside!"

"So it is." she observed.

The other ship fired a salvo of its own and the Mikasa rocked.

"Most of it missed, but we're hit nonetheless." said Ten Cents.

"Return fire! We can't let that ship rampage any further on this river. This is my river, and its my job that the dead souls cross this!"

The cannons fired again, and again, and again.

"Good heavens!" said Top Hat, "I thought that ship was sunk years ago!"

"What do you mean?" asked Komachi.

"That's the HMS Hood!"

"Whatever. Just sink it already."

The Mikasa shook violently.

"Direct hit!" exclaimed Ten Cents.

"Keep firing! We are to stand our ground!"

The cannons boomed again, but even the new shells and explosives did little damage to the HMS Hood. All they could do was fired and hope that something would happen.

* * *

Marisa Kirisame pulled out a spell card: Love Sign "Non-Directional Laser".

Laser danmaku bounced around the magazine. Marisa knew better than to not hang around and she dashed off to escape.

Reimu was launching all sorts of attacks against the machinery. Her greatest breakthrough was damaging the steam turbine enough to slow the ship down. She stopped to take a breather, then a loud explosion was heard, followed by metal bits and pieces flying about, some of them hit Reimu. But Reimu wasn't prepared for the sudden flooding of the engine room, Reimu was flung around the room. Her head hit a piece of broken machinery and she blacked out.

One minute, Christopher Awdry was in the bridge, trying to fight the Mikasa and deal with his intruders at the same time. The next, he was sent flying out the glass windows and into the river below. He tried to reorient himself and swam up to get his head above surface.

He saw that one of them managed to get in and blew up the magazine. The ship was practically blasted inside-out. The ship quickly sank beneath the waves, the HMS Hood was sunk again.

"Blast!" she shouted.

But he saw Marisa fly over him, he waited to see if Reimu would come out. But she didn't.

"HAH-HA! I did it! I finally killed Reimu!" he exclaimed with the utmost joy.

* * *

Komachi and the former Star Tugs turned humans, clapped and cheered as they watched the HMS Hood sink beneath the Sanzu River. Marisa landed on the Mikasa's deck.

"That was amazing! How did you do it?" asked Ten Cents.

"Well," said Marisa putting her arm behind her back, "It wasn't easy, but I blew up where all the explosives where."

"So, the magazine?" said Komachi.

"Yes." confirmed Marisa.

"Say? Where the red and white girl?" asked Top Hat.

Everybody looked around, but there was no Reimu.

"Oh no." said Marisa, all previous emotions being discarded, "She must have been still in the ship!"

"Oh shit." said Komachi, almost in a whisper.

Everybody got off the ship and they reminisced about Reimu's existence.

"She was my best friend." said Marisa, sadly.

"Even though she could sometimes be a prick, I think most people liked her." said Komachi.

"Who's Reimu?" asked OJ.

"She's the one that just died." explained Hercules.

But then, Big Mac exclaimed, "Look! Its Billy Shoepack!"

"And he's carrying something!"

A western countryman walked towards the humans, magician, and shinigami, this was indeed Billy Shoepack. He was carrying a woman in red and white clothes, obviously water logged and badly battered.

"Do you know who this is?" asked Billy Shoepack.

"That's Reimu!" cried Marisa.

She ran over to him, Reimu was still unconscious. Marisa tried to feel a pulse. She motioned for Billy to lay Reimu on the ground and Marisa pushed her hands on the miko's heart.

"Come on! Come on!" he said.

"I think I can help." said Hercules.

Using his strength, he rapidly pressed down on Reimu's chest, stopping occasionally to blow air into her mouth.

"Come on! Live damn you!" said Hercules.

Finally, Reimu coughed and spluttered and finally opened her eyes.

"What happened." croaked Reimu.

"I found you on the side of the river. You look like you need a doctor." said Billy.

Reimu tried to get herself upright, but everything hurt. She kept saying "Ow." over and over again.

The former Star Tugs and Marisa all held up Reimu and brought her to the nearest bus stop. Percy was driving the bus this time and asked where they were going.

"Eientei. And step on it!" said Marisa.

"What for?" asked Percy.

"Reimu's been badly hurt." answered Marisa.

"Oh. I guess I'll have to change the sign then." Percy pressed a button and the sign changed from "Moriya – Youkai Mt. - Sanzu" to "Express".

Percy stepped on the gas, the sound of the bus revving up as it gradually gained speed.

"I can't believe I'm saying this but, express coming through!" Percy said.

Reimu was soon brought to Eientei. Henry and Eirin covered most of Reimu up in casts. She was lucky enough to not get a full body cast, and just several over her legs, arms, and neck.

"You were lucky to survive whatever happened to you." said Eirin.

"Yeah." said Henry, "You survived the HMS Hood exploding. I remembered the last time that happened, I think nobody survived that one."

"Who's going to look after my shrine?" asked Reimu.

"I'll see if any of my friends would help." said Henry.

"But on one condition: Keep James out of my clothes!" ordered Reimu.

"I'll see what I can do." replied Henry.

* * *

Duke and his two vassals, Peter Sam and Sir Handel were having dinner at the Yakumo household again. The idea of Duke and Yukari fucking were the least of the vassals' problems. Their current dilemma: What kind of meat are they eating?

"I think's pork." said Peter Sam.

"I don't know." replied Sir Handel, "Doesn't taste like any meat I ever had."

"You were an engine months ago!" said Duke sternly, "How would you know about what meat we're eating?!"

"Grandpuff..." grumbled Sir Handel.

"Say, Yukari dearest, what _are_ we eating?" asked Duke.

"We're eating pork." said Yukari, but her facial expression told a different story.

Yukari winked at Ran, but Ran just groaned and continued eating the _pork_.

"Oh, Duke."

"Yes, Yukari?"

"I wanted to give you a gift." Yukari then brought out a small red hat.

"Yukari? Where did you get this?" asked Duke.

"Let's just say, it came from a little ray of... _Sunshine_."


	10. Episode 10: Intial G, Top Gear!

While Reimu was away, James, Marisa, and the three magic conductors all took care of the shrine. James, now having been told to stay out of Reimu's room, brought his own miko dress.

"Jesus Christ!" said George.

Marisa just laughed, "What are you wearing?"

"I was told to help watch Reimu's shrine. So I might as well look the part."

"Isn't Gordon supposed to be here?" said James, trying to divert attention away from himself.

"Yeah where is he?" wondered Marisa.

"I'll have a bet where he might be." said Ringo.

"Where do you think he might be?" asked Alec.

"He's always racing the tengu. I say we see what he's up to."

So Ringo blew his whistle and a cloud of magic gold dust appeared and they watched what was inside the cloud...

* * *

Gordon was at the top of Youkai Mountain, just where the tengu lived. He always would come up here and challenge the faster of the tengu to races. Sometimes he'd win, other times, he straight up lost. One of the tengu he thought an equal was Aya Shameimaru, the lone reporter and editor of the Bunbunmaru Newspaper.

Today, Gordon had 'forgotten' his duties at the Hakurei Shrine and was waiting by the Bunbunmaru Newspaper building. He waited with baited breath, "This time," he thought, "I'd win."

Finally he saw Aya come outside. He approached her and challenged her.

"Your on! I hope you manage to stay _on_ the road this time." she said.

"Me? Crash! A sensible en-I mean person, would never crash." boasted Gordon.

"So I suppose your not sensible, since you nearly fell down the entirety of this mountain." replied Aya.

"Let's battle with our wits later, we race now and only now."

Gordon got into his car, an experimental kappa design. It used hydrogen cells for fuel and had all sorts of gadgetry to manage the run down Youkai Mountain.

Aya bowed into postion. Gordon revved his car's engine. A large crowd of tengu watched them get ready.

"Ready?"

"Ready!"

"Then's lets go already!"

The two were off, Aya had a headstart, but Gordon soon caught up. Gordon put the car to third, then fourth gear. The two neared the end of the village, and the start of the run down. But Gordon floored the gas and soon pulled ahead of Aya, who responded by running even faster.

"Pah! Let's see you try to beat this!" said Gordon, putting his car to sixth gear.

Aya was well ahead of Gordon, but she soon heard Gordon zoom by. Aya went _even_ faster, now they were head to head.

"Out of my way!" shouted Gordon.

"Bite me!" replied Aya.

Going head to head, side by side this way was dangerous as the road would soon narrow.

"This is my chance!" thought Gordon.

Gordon pressed a button, several tanks of Nitrous Oxide were located at the back of the car and Gordon pulled ahead into the narrow path. Where he soon encountered his first turn. He pulled the handbrake and the car skidded across the curve horizontally and zoomed down the path.

Aya responded by flying down the mountain and landing ahead of Gordon to resume running.

"What the?! That nerve of that woman!" said Gordon, as Aya reappeared right in front of him.

Gordon's car had 10 gears, which gave him the advantage of going faster, but the downside was that if he stopped, it would take a lot of precious time to get back up to speed. Another downside was that the car was only tested to the seventh gear, anything beyond that was considered dangerous.

The path narrowed even further and Aya was ahead. Gordon thought it was a good opportunity to use of his new gadgets. He pressed a button on the steering wheel and kanabo-like studs appeared on the wheels, Gordon waited until the wall was angled just right to drive onto the wall, which he eventually did.

"Hi Aya!" said Gordon, "Bye Aya!"

"Bother!" exclaimed Aya, using a word Gordon would use.

Gordon drove off the wall and back onto the path, up next was a tight curve, he had nearly fallen off the path here once, doing so would be fatal. So Gordon kicked it to sixth gear and drifted as hard as he could. The car nearly tipped over when he turned the corner. The car landed on the ground with an audible thud.

"That was too close." thought Gordon.

But Aya was still ahead. Gordon tooted the car's horn, which he asked for the sound to resemble a Class 125 HST.

"HEY-HAW!" went the horn, Gordon pressed it again, "HEY-HAW!"

Gordon put it to seventh gear and passed Aya, "SPEED AND POWER!" cried Gordon as he whizzed down the mountain road.

"That bastard!" said Aya to herself, so she ran off the path and went flying down the mountain, she passed Gordon and landed on the dirt road below.

"I won't be beaten by her!" said Gordon indignantly.

So he pressed the button and the studs came back and Gordon just simply _drove_ down the mountain side to where Aya was. He beeped the horn when he passed her.

"Son of a bitch!" thought Aya.

Gordon, making sure he had the lead, set his car to eighth gear. The car body rattled slightly and the quiet hydrogen burning engine began to get more louder.

"Hopefully this holds." said Gordon, unsure of what's going to happen next.

Aya stopped running at this point and was no flying. She knew not to cheat and so she followed the path. She surpassed Gordon's car and made a face.

"Disgraceful!" said Gordon, "How rude."

Gordon put his car to ninth gear, his car rattled even more and engine grew louder. She used some Nitrous Oxide for boosting, but Aya was _still_ in the lead.

"SPEED AND POWAA!" screamed Gordon as he boosted and put his car to the tenth and final gear.

Gordon's car screamed down the mountain, he finally passed Aya but slowed as his Nitrous tanks ran empty.

"Bother!" he said, audibly.

Aya and Gordon were once again, side by side.

"Gordon!" yelled Aya, "Your car is falling apart!"

"Suck it, Aya!" retorted Gordon.

"No seriously!" replied Aya.

Gordon just flipped the bird at Aya and rolled his windows back up. But Gordon's car _really was_ falling apart. His spoiler fell off, followed by parts of his trunk (he calls it a 'boot') and the hydrogen screamed like a BR Class 55 'Deltic' being thrashed to its utter limit. Gordon didn't know he was in trouble until the hood (he calls it a 'bonnet') flew upward before falling off.

"Oh, cock!" exclaimed Gordon.

"Told you Anglophile bastard!" screamed Aya.

Aya was now not flying for a race, she was flying to make sure Gordon was okay.

Aya slowed down, but slowed down too much and Gordon roared ahead. Aya picked up speed once more and now the two were side by side again.

"GORDON! LISTEN TO ME! YOU CAR IS FALLING APART!" boomed Aya.

Gordon, now nervous, still had a lot of pride in him. Much too proud to tell Aya how he felt about his new situation. He just floored the gas peddle and went down the last several turns down the moutain.

Now for Aya to get into Gordon's thick skull, she now had an incentive to beat him. Aya pushed her self to the limit and passed Gordon. She looked back and saw that Gordon's engine had caught fire.

"Fitting for someone who used to be a steam engine." thought Aya.

Gordon was now afraid what was going to happen next, he swerved the last turn and caught up with Aya and passed her, he nearly was at the end (which was when Youkai Mountain ended and where The Great Youkai Forest began).

Gordon tried to stop once the first row of trees were within sight. But his brakes had jammed. He tried to shift down a few gears to slow down, but the shift stick was stuck.

"Oh cock! Oh cock! Oh cock!" said Gordon, with the utmost anxiety.

The car screamed into the forest, all sorts of youkai poked their heads out to see what the noise was about. Gordon weaved by tree after tree, but soon he lost complete control of the steering column. None of the buttons on his steering wheel would respond.

Gordon saw that he was heading straight for a tree, he lost all emotion and he said with the stiffest upper lip, "Oh bother."

The car smashed into the tree, the engine exploded violently. The tree was old and so strong that the front of the car looked it was taking a bite out of the tree.

Aya was not too far behind.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." said Aya, sprinting down to where Gordon had crashed.

Gordon had won the race, but was close to losing his own life. Aya pulled Gordon's limp body out of the car, just before the Hydrogen cells exploded. The car was completely destroyed.

"Come on, Gordon! Please respond!" said Aya, slapping Gordon's unconscious face.

She then, knew what she had to do.

* * *

Reimu was bored, the TV that was in her room was only good for watching the channels that came from atop Youkai Mountain. Tengu Broadcasting Company channels 1, 2, 3, and 4.

Henry was in the room with Reimu.

"Trash! Utter trash!" complained Reimu.

"This reminds me of the BBC." said Henry.

"Where the shows there just as bad these?"

Henry was at a loss for words, he wasn't sure if he should prove that the BBC had good programs or to just agree with her.

Just then, Eirin and Reisen wheeled in another paitent.

"Who's this?" asked Henry.

"That's my question also." said Reimu.

The patient next to Reimu was covered in a full body cast, the face was covered in soot.

"Gordon tried to race Aya again." said Eirin, "He crashed right into a tree."

"Good heavens!" exclaimed Henry.

A muffled voice came from the body cast. No one knew what exactly Gordon was saying, but it probably went along the lines of "Oh, the indignity."


End file.
